The Legend of What Again?
by The Mouse of Anon
Summary: You have seen Sheik with the Zelda Chicken, and you have seen him torment Link. The big question is: What happens when he squares off against Zelda? Warning: More Sheik insanity ahead. Enjoy the third in the series and review.


Disclaimer: I own nothing, nada, zip. So you no sue, got it?

Author's Note: Once again I present you, the lovely masses, with another case of insane! Sheik. Do enjoy by all means. As per usual, I don't own Sheik, Link, Zelda, or (in this case) Ruto. I do however own my own bizarre brand of dementia. Therefore enjoy the third installment in- is it a series? O?o Yeah, you get the point. Just review damn it.

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Zelda watched as the exhausted Link trudged away from her castle on the way back home. Had he ever been that worn down when out fighting the various monsters in Hyrule? Surely not; but somehow he just seemed about ready to drop during their entire conversation. There was no real reason for him to want to not see anybody for a week… well, unless Ganondorf was on the rise again- which was highly unlikely. So what in the world could be going on? The princess of Hyrule had no idea how soon she'd get the answer to her question.

Retreating to her room Zelda waved off her various attendants, begging privacy on the excuse that she would love nothing more than to relax in silence. Having practically been raised by the Sheikah she felt no fear of being alone, unlike what one might expect of such highly praised royalty. Impa had been quite thorough in her lessons and hadn't spared the princess any leniency for being who she was. No, Zelda had been treated like any other Sheikah child- which was very likely the reason she was such a damned good archer.

All that aside; what mattered now was pondering over the events of the day and perhaps figuring out _why_ Link had behaved so differently. As she pulled off her crown and let her hair drop from its carefully placed coils atop her head (which no matter what her hair-dressers said she still despised having it up), she heard a sudden chuckle from the window. Spinning to face the balcony her dagger was out of the drawer of her vanity and in her hand before she realized she'd seized it. This instinctive reaction was also a credit to Impa. After getting whacked over the head with a rod enough times one learned to have hair-trigger responses.

However the moment she saw that familiar red eye nearly glowing with mirth she relaxed. Arching an eyebrow and allowing a hand to rest on her hip in a near-imperious manner she blandly stated, "Sheik."

As long as Zelda had known him she could tell when he was grinning behind his face-wrappings. "Princess," he greeted jovially enough.

"I trust you didn't just drop by for a friendly visit?"

The dark-skinned sheikah shrugged- a habit which he indulged in rarely_and_ one he had picked up from the princess. "I _was_ going to make my report of the day's affairs… but it appears that Link got here before I did." Even as serious as he seemed, Zelda knew better than to trust this particular man's sanity- especially when he got _that_ tone. Namely the one where he sounded the most sane and serious.

Making no show of putting the dagger back in its place she calmly asked with just the barest warning tone tingeing her voice, "What did you do?"

"Why, whatever are you talking about? I've done nothing. Not even so much as caused a storm in the past 24 hours." Sheik's voice was completely serious, as was his body language and the look in his eye. Zelda _knew better_ than to trust such subtle cues from the man who had once swapped out her hair-brush with a 'brush' woven out of cactus-needles.

Looking quite thoroughly unimpressed, her tone was blunt and straight-forward. "What did you do to Link? And be honest- or I'll actually let Impa know whose brilliant idea it was to paint her horse pink when we were twelve."

Sheik went completely still, his eyes searching Zelda's to see how serious she was about her threat. Apparently serious enough if the slight up-curving of the corner of the princess's lips were anything to judge by. Fortunately the sheikah had his own arsenal of black-mail against the princess. Perhaps it was part of why they got along so well. "Yes, you may have that on me- but if you do tell her then I can tell her who got the guts to turn her tent into a circus fun-house. _Complete_ with the lightning bugs."

A wicked little grin flickered across Zelda's face. It had been a while since she and Sheik had faced off like this. Their friendly rivalry of one-upmanship had been one of their favorite pastimes- from what they could get each other in trouble for, to who could shoot farther with a bow. Even so, she meant to get the information out of him one way or another. "If you do then I'll follow through with my threat of making you look and sound like a woman for a month."

The red eye narrowed in challenge. "You do that and your head will be completely sheared."

"I'll make you a horrible ugly woman with a beard!"

"I'd leave red ink coating your bed."

"You'd look like the bearded lady in Castle Town."

"You'd look like you'd been bathed in either chicken-blood or got coated in pink dye like Impa's horse."

"You would have all of that horrible nasty stubble and you would have to deal with putting on your face wrappings around it."

"You, Princess Zelda, would look like a clown."

"You'd look worse."

"I'd tell Impa about all the various times you cursed in training while posing as a man- and how you deliberately took on _my_ appearance so you could cause hell."

"You wouldn't dare!" she nearly squawked.

Red eyes lit with a wicked grin. "I would."

Crossing her arms Zelda turned away from Sheik in a sarcastic huff. "Fine then, you're fired."

Sheik yawned in a bored manner as he leaned back against the side of the window frame. "It appears Link isn't the only one who forgets that I can't be fired by you. And I thought it was plainly obvious to all involved that I was _chosen_ to be his aid."

Letting out a derisive snort she retorted, "Yes, be his _aid_- you weren't chosen to give the poor man an emotional and mental break-down! And that's only a guess based on how he looked before he left! What did you do to him anyway?"

Sheik rolled his visible eye as she glanced back over her shoulder. "I didn't _do_ anything. He just happened to be in the Water Temple…"

"And?" she queried. Zelda had a bad feeling that she knew where this was going; and more likely than not it had something to do with how invariably difficult the Water Temple was to get through, and something that was plainly obvious to Sheik that he just _didn't_ bother mentioning.

"…and I might have come in through an easier entrance." Clearly he felt at least a little willing to talk. Though considering what little he'd just given what had been done might be worse than she thought.

"Please tell me you didn't sic Ruto on him."

"NO! No, no, no, no, no. I would _never_ do something _that_ underhanded."

Letting out a sigh Zelda stated flatly, "You did, didn't you?"

"I did _not_. She just happened to have the key that he needed and in order to get it he had to get out of the Water Temple first to retrieve it before heading back in…"

"…And even though you knew an easier way out you let him suffer instead of leading him through or going and getting it yourself," the Sage of Light finished for him.

"Ruto wouldn't have given the key to me anyway."

"You could have stolen it."

"In case you're forgetting Princess, smoke bombs don't work underwater and as a sheikah, I don't swim as well as a Zora. Knowing Ruto she probably would have caught me and tried to have me served up on a plate."

"The Zoras aren't that carnivorous."

"No, they're just in-bred. Besides, Ruto 'loves' Link; she'd give him anything."

"As rude and horrible as that is, and not all Zoras are like that thank you, you still could have led him through the easy way out and back in."

Sheik was silent for a few moments, causing Zelda to begin to worry. Finally when he spoke he looked a bit sheepish- which was about damned time as far as Zelda was concerned. "I thought of that, but it occurred to me only after Ruto started babbling on about wedding arrangements… for half an hour. I did manage to get him out of there though! Of course that meant he found out I was taking the easier entrances…"

Zelda raised both eyebrows, so not-impressed that Sheik almost felt like Impa was glaring at him. Even with all of the childish pranks that she herself had committed in their youth, Zelda was quite thoroughly convinced that Sheik might have gone too far. "You _are_ fired. I don't care if I can't fire you, you're fired."

Sheik flinched- it was almost as bad as the treatment he'd gotten from Link, the cold glare and frustrated-to-exhaustion tone of, "I hate you. You're completely crazy and I hate you."

Almost as if Zelda read his mind she stated, "You're crazy, you know that?"

"Only as crazy as a certain Sage," he retorted.

"I said it before, I'll say it again- you're fired."

II

II

II

V Push the button, I dare you.


End file.
